Money, Money, Money!

Women have been so brainwashed by the destructive female culture that taught them to associate money with sin, evil and everything crude, that it would take an entire book to disentangle the subconscious fears and incredible fantasies that the simple noun, “money” evokes in most women.”

– Betty Lehan Harragan, Games Mother Never Taught You.

Money is one of the hottest subjects within a marriage. Often, the subject of money and how it will be handled isn’t brought up until the return from the honeymoon when the first bills start coming in. The question of who pays what and how much is at the core of many arguments. Money is cited as one of top, if not the top, reason for divorce.

Women, often come out at the bottom of the money equation after a marriage has ended. They often leave with a fractured career, bills and children to take care of. This is why single women with children are the number one segment of society that is heading into poverty. What can we do to prevent the downward spiral into a financial abyss of bills and debt? The number one thing women can do is rethink how they view money and take care of their finances while they’re in a relationship or a marriage.

In the book, Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, Lois P. Frankel states one of the most fatal things a woman can do is to spend herself into debt. The first thing women need to understand is why they spend and spend too much. Franklin lists eight reasons:

1. Guilt – If I can’t spend time with (x) then I will buy them a gift.
2. Envy – If someone else has (x) why can’t I?
3. Living the moment – You only go around once – type thinking.
4. Impulsiveness – I can’t control myself at the mall.
5. Appearances – I need to drive a certain car for people to think I am successful.
6. Low self-esteem – I’ll feel better if I buy dinner for everyone.
7. Emotional fulfillment – I’m not in a good relationship – spending makes me feel better.
8. Available credit. I’ll pay it back later.

Understanding why you spend may be the first step in controlling or at least understanding your spending habits. Once you know why you spend your money, try to understand why he is spending his. Women, as a group, tend to be ‘givers,’ and will let a husband run through hard earned money without question. Money that is earmarked as ‘family money’ may be supporting his personal hobby, or worse, addiction. Try to get your head around where the money is spent.

Before you give up your career and home to move across country to get involved in a relationship or marriage understand where you are financially. Decide up front who owns what, how household expenses will be paid, who will payback incurred debt, how disposable income will be spent and by whom? Be cautious before you get involved in joint checking accounts, savings accounts and credit cards. This seems unromantic but it may save you a lot of grief later on.

Keep good track of your expenditures and your household funds. Most of all, keep your own personal savings account. This is your ‘rainy day’ fund. You never know what is around the next corner and you will want to be prepared for any emergency. Elizabeth Cady Stanton said, “Every woman should have her own purse.”

How do you handle family finances? We want to know.